(35) Sample Essay #1: Policy Shames Us All (Med/high)

The issue of whether or not asylum seekers should be permitted to settle in Australia has recently been discussed in the media. In order to address a changing of the Federal asylum seeker policy and the death of large numbers of asylum seekers at sea Giselle Nguyen’s letter to the editor from the Herald Sun argues that the Australian government and society needs to do more to protect asylum seekers fleeing from persecution in their homelands. In order to combat the oppositions assertion that asylum seekers pose a security risk to Australia Nguyen employs an impassioned and at times embattled to draw sympathy within the primary readership of former asylum seekers, families and recent migrants. Accompanying Nguyen’s article is the photo of a young asylum seeker behind a wire fence. By drawing the association between the notion of imprisonment and the current asylum seeker policy the image is able to contend that the current policy is unjust and is further persecuting an innocent people. The image draws further on the sympathetic tone of Nguyen’s article to further attack the injustice exposed by the article.

Nguyen suggests that the new asylum seeker laws are exploiting vulnerable asylum seeker fleeing the violence of their homeland.Nguyen opens with the use of inclusive language contained within her title. By proposing that the ‘policy shames us all’ Nguyen makes the suggestion that the revised asylum seeker policy is not only offensive to those ‘who have endure similar hardships’ attempting to seek asylum in Australia, but is offensive to all Australians who value human freedoms. In doing so Nguyen appeals to the humanity of her readership causing them to reflect on their own ideals.  Nguyen uses the words ‘terrifying conditions’ to describe the violence the asylum seekers are fleeing from. This causes the asylum seekers seem vulnerable and positions readers to think that asylum seekers need to be protected by Australia. Nguyen also employs her own personal experience by stating she is ‘the daughter’ of ‘hard working’ asylum seekers. In doing so she is able to establish her credibility and experience with issue and encourage readers to see her as a spokes person for all asylum seekers.

Nguyen makes the suggestion that asylum seekers have the potential to make valuable contributions to society and thus should be granted asylum. By describing her parents as 'outstanding members of society' Nguyen makes the distinction that asylum seekers can make valuable contributions to Australian society. By making the suggestion that 'incredibly hardworking' asylum seekers can improve society Nguyen can position working class Australians to not only identify with the work ethic of asylum seekers but also view asylum seekers as a resource that can bake Australia better. Nguyen further plays on this love of Australia through the use of the image. By placing a subject who has the potential to be an asylum seekers in a position that clearly indicates hard work Nguyen as able to emphasise the economic benefit of engaging with asylum seekers and providing a sanctuary for them. The suggestion that 'everything we have contributed' adds extra impetus to this idea. The us of 'we' in combination with the sweating man in the photo presents the notion that this is a large group of people who can assist within Australian society. Nguyen is thus able to draw on the support of blue collar asylum seekers who can relate to the notion of hard work and see the value in making a contribution to society.

Nguyen closes by arguing that the asylum seeker policy is discriminatory against asylum seekers. Here Nguyen's tone shifts from compassionate to more accusatory and explosive. This tonal shift, in conjunction with the use of the emotive word 'cowardly' to describe the government could position all minorities readers within Australia to feel a sense of solidarity for Nguyen's position.' The suggestion that 'we hold less worth' further reiterates this sense of solidarity and infers that the governments decision is not made in the interests of the people but rather as an act of discrimination against a vulnerable people. Nguyen closes her piece by signing off with 'this is a shameful time for our nation' by including every Australian Nguyen applies a call to all Australian's to act now in order to protect the inclusiveness and cultural openness that defines us as a people. This idea further re-enforces the symbolism contained within the image of the working 'asylum seeker' wearing flip flops and stubbies. These icons of Australia indicates that all asylum seekers have to potential to be Australian and that it is up to all Australians to act now and protect asylum seekers from the 'state of horror' that exists within their homeland. 



Throughout the article Giselle Nguyen attempts to persuade her readership that Australia should be making strides to provide a sanctuary to genuine refugees. In employing an impassioned yet logical tone Nguyen encourages her readership of former asylum seekers and families to consider the impact our asylum seeker policy is having on people just like them. Nguyen leaves the reader feeling a sense of sympathy towards asylum seekers and are encouraged to act now to protect their innocence and vulnerability. 

(34) Sample Body Paragraph #2 PT (HIGH): Gentle Article.

Gentle goes on to assert that society needs to protect children from paedophiles. Gentle opens by identifying herself as a mother who wants her ‘children to feel safe when out in public.’ By identifying herself as a ‘mother,’ and thus as having a vested interest in the issue, Gentle is able to establish credibility and authority in her statement that the public should take a holistic approach to ‘protecting our children from pedophiles. Gentle continues by citing her personal experience of being a ‘victim’ of a pedophile. The suggestion that the ‘pain and suffering’ of the ‘victim’ endures for ‘life’ adds extra weight to the notion that pedophiles are a series threat to the innocence and vulnerability of our children. This anecdote highlights the ramifications pedophiles can have on victims lives and encouraging parents to project themselves into the issue further generating sympathy for victims of pedophilia who have to live in fear their entire lives. Gentle supplements this anecdote with the logical suggestion that a holistic approach needs to be taken to protect our children from pedophiles. By juxtaposing the overt emotions offered by the anecdote against the calm logic of her suggestion that a register should function alongside ‘harsher penalties, stronger sentencing and rehabilitation,’ Gentle is able infer that her argument is well rounded and considered.

Bold: Outlines the supporting argument- the author makes the argument that society needs to do more to protect children from sex offenders.

The focus here is on the vulnerability of the children and the predatory nature of the paedophile, particularly through playing on the victim/predator duality and emphasizing the need for society to play an active role in protection.

Blue: It is suggested that the author opens by emphasizing her credibility.

 She establishes that she has a vested interest in the issue and as a mother has the authority to speak on behalf of all mothers. This credibility is important because it adds credence to her appeal that more needs to be done to protect children. Particularly when establishing an argument that appeals to or is critical of society validation and credibility are extremely important.

Green: Author further establishes her credibility by explaining a personal experience.

            By explaining that she is a victim of a sexual attack herself she further validates her credibility on the issue and generates sympathy on behalf of the reader. In emphasizing the impact sexual offenders can have on victims the author is able draw on the enormity of the issue and the need for action to be taken. A body paragraph could go further by explaining the importance in developing a legitimacy for the validation of the author’s argument.

Red: the author employs logical language and maintains a sense of order.

Despite the emotional nature of the issue the author is able to maintain a rational tone through the use of rational language.   

(33 )Sample Body Paragraph #1: With annotations- Nguyen Article (Medium)

Nguyen suggests that the new asylum seeker laws are exploiting vulnerable asylum seeker fleeing the violence of their homeland.Nguyen opens with the use of inclusive language contained within her title. By proposing that the ‘policy shames us all’ Nguyen makes the suggestion that the revised asylum seeker policy is not only offensive to those ‘who have endure similar hardships’ attempting to seek asylum in Australia, but is offensive to all Australians who value human freedoms. In doing so Nguyen appeals to the humanity of her readership causing them to reflect on their own ideals.  Nguyen uses the words ‘terrifying conditions’ to describe the violence the asylum seekers are fleeing from. This causes the asylum seekers seem vulnerable and positions readers to think that asylum seekers need to be protected by Australia. Nguyen also employs her own personal experience by stating she is ‘the daughter’ of ‘hard working’ asylum seekers. In doing so she is able to establish her credibility and experience with issue and encourage readers to see her as a spokes person for all asylum seekers.
Blue- Supporting argument (reason) the author raises.
Red- How the author opens their piece and how this would position readers to be persuaded of their POV.Green- How the author uses language to persuade the reader and the effect it would have on readers.Purple- An example of a persuasive technique (an anecdote) and the effect it would have on readers.

(32) Sample Introduction: 'Why I won't be travelling to Indonesia.'

Due to the deaths of Bali Nine drug smuggler Andrew Chan and Mayran Sukamaran debate has raged over whether or not capital punishment is at all morally justified. In the article 'Why I won't be travelling to Indonesia' the editor argues that capital punishment is a barbaric practice that needs to be stopped. By employing an empassioned tone the editor is able to play on the moral conscience of families and parents. Encouraging the to reflect on the ethical implications capitol punishment has on humanity. Accompanying the editor's article is a photo of Andrew Chan and Mayran Sukamaran as children. In using photos of the accused as children the author is able to emphasise the notion that individuals can always achieve redemption in some way, a prospect that is removed by the finality of capital punishment.

(31) Sample Introduction #2: (High) with annotations

Sample introduction (High) on the 'Policy Shames Us All' article (Nguyen)

The issue of whether or not asylum seekers should be permitted to settle in Australia has recently been discussed in the media. In order to address a changing of the Federal asylum seeker policy and the death of large numbers of asylum seekers at sea Giselle Nguyen’s letter to the editorfrom the Herald Sun argues that the Australian government and society needs to do more to protect asylum seekers fleeing from persecution in their homelands. In order to combat the oppositions assertion that asylum seekers pose a security risk to Australia Nguyen employs an impassioned and at times embattled to draw sympathy within the primary readership of former asylum seekers, families and recent migrants. Accompanying Nguyen’s article is the photo of a young asylum seeker behind a wire fence. By drawing the association between the notion of imprisonment and the current asylum seeker policy the image is able to contend that the current policy is unjust and is further persecuting an innocent people. The image draws further on the sympathetic tone of Nguyen’s article to further attack the injustice exposed by the article.




Spark 
Context
Text Details
Contention
Audience
Tone and Effect
Introduction of Image (Description, contention, tone) 

(30) Sample Introduction #1: (Medium) with Annotations

Sample introduction (medium) on the 'Gorging The Innocent' article (Coleridge)

Due to an increase in the incidence of childhood obesity the issue of whether or not society needs to take a greater role in reducing obesity amongst children has been raised in the media lately. InSam Coleridge’s article ‘Gorging The Innocent’ written in the Herald Sun it is contended that in order for obesity within society to be reduced parents, schools and the media need to ensure they are sending appropriate healthy food messages to our children. Coleridge employs an impassioned and at times passive aggressive tone to encourage doctors; teachersand parents to draw on the impact inaction could have on the children in their own lives.Accompanying Coleridge’s article is an image of a traditional family that are clearly obese. The image shows the family feasting on junk food, drawing the association between the food choices of parents and eventual health problems in our youth. In doing so the image makes the argument that parents need to ensure that they are sending food messages that will supplement a healthy lifestyle into the future. The image employs a more openly aggressive tone to attack parents and encourage a sense of urgency to be established within the readership. 

Spark 
Context
Text Details
Contention
Audience
Tone and Effect
Introduction of Image (Description, contention, tone) 

(29) Sample Annotations: Andrew Charles Article

When annotating you need to focus on the following...

• Identifying ITACT
• Identifying Arguments
• identifying and Analysing Devices

Some tips to assist you in annotating...

• Use different coloured pens to colour code your annotations to make it easier to identify the PLTs that you are going to analyse in each body paragraph.
• Identify ITACT across the topic our your page in full sentences.
• Outline the main arguments in full sentences, ready to be placed in your essay.
• You may want to write in full sentences so that your annotations can be directly used in your essay

Sample annotations for the Andrew Charles article